It’s easy, right? You’re in a meeting or listening to someone in a conversation and suddenly feel the need to respond or say something…Assuming it’s appropriate and the right thing to do (that, in itself, is an important decision – probably a good subject for another post), you just say it, right?
Before we jump into action, let’s pause to think. If you’ve made the decision to speak, I want to encourage you to consider that you have another important decision to make – it’s how you speak.
Too often people begin talking “without a plan” and are surprised by the reaction of others or the outcome of the conversation. While surprises are always possible, the decision you make should be deliberate and should have a clear “line of sight” to the objective and result you want to achieve.
Let me offer 5 alternatives that I believe capture your main choices. You can choose to:
- Speak up: your objective is to offer an opinion, be heard and have your thoughts considered in the mix. Likely result – others acknowledge your point and add your thoughts to “the mix.”
- Speak out: you want to take a strong position or viewpoint to be sure people know “where you are” and need to agree or disagree. Likely result – others will indicate their agreement or disagreement making it necessary for you to provide logic (and possibly defend).
- Speak with: you are engaging another person and want to draw out there thoughts to mesh them with yours, arriving at a conclusion together. Likely result – an open exchange with clarification, summarizing, iterative probing, etc.
- Speak for: you feel someone else’s viewpoint or thoughts have to be amplified to be heard or better understood. Likely result – attention is drawn to something that has so far been under-valued or ignored.
- Speak against: you choose to articulate an opposing view to that presented and need to contrast it in a way that is clearly understood. Likely result – others may get defensive or engage in debate or analysis seeking to come to the right answer.
Why do these choices matter? As mentioned earlier, far too often we begin to speak without really considering where we’re going or what result we want to produce. If we’re honest, it’s often an emotional impulse versus a rationale decision.
By taking a moment to think about what we want to achieve we can make the right choice, making our contribution intentional and more valuable to the outcome.
Next time, when it’s time to speak, decide the “how” first. Try it. Let me know how it works.
Picture: 
Howard Lake via Compfight
