I guarantee this is one of the most unusual Christmas messages you’ve ever read…it’s certainly breaking new ground for this blog – it’s about faith, relationships and a unique Christmas challenge addressed specifically to men…and, more specifically, to me.
As I consider Christmas a centerpiece of the Christian faith, it’s interesting to think of it from the perspective of God’s relationship with mankind. For centuries the coming of Jesus was foretold, not only as the arrival of the “King of Kings“ and “Lord of Lords,” but also as the Servant, Savior and Lamb who would die to take away the sins of the world.
Interestingly, many of the most religious people of the day failed to reconcile this dichotomy, expecting royalty and a powerful political kingdom instead of swaddling clothes, a carpenter’s home, and 33 years of living and building relationships with the most average of people…culminating with death on a criminal’s cross. This clearly wasn’t the expected heavenly “executive approach.” Rather, Jesus chose to connect with man in the most intimate way possible – by becoming one, and living a lifetime as one. From this perspective it’s particularly significant that one of His names, Emmanuel, means “God with us.”
As I’ve thought about this “meaning of Christmas” the implications for my relationship with my wife are powerful. How could they be connected? Here it is…The Bible specifically points to Jesus’ love as an illustration for how a man should love a woman. Instantly, our minds recognize the powerful elements of this example – sacrifice, selflessness and passion. But, while these are true, I think it’s far too simplistic, and only part of the story. Just like the religious leaders of the day, it tends to fast-forward to the end of the story and misses what began at Christmas – an entire lifetime spent “connecting with us.”
This recently hit home with me as I was listening to a podcast interview with Alyson Lanier, a relationship coach, who powerfully highlighted the well-known fact that one of the greatest needs of a woman is to have an emotional connection with her man. This doesn’t happen by fast-forwarding to the solution or “getting to the point” and “moving on” (let’s fix it – the typical “man response”). It happens by a man’s desire and intentional effort to “get into her world” (sound familiar). It’s active listening, empathizing and vulnerability to leave the safety of “where I am” to connect deeply and emotionally “where she is.”
I’ll admit that this is a “tough one” for me. Like many of you, it’s far easier to think of my primary role as provider, leader & defender taking action, executing plans and fixing problems (the “executive approach”) than the “God with us model” Jesus demonstrated at Christmas, a 33-year lifetime of “connecting” with mankind on earth. Just like man needed this intimate “life with God” in our world on our terms, my wife needs this intimate “life with me” in her world on her terms.
What will it take? Courage to deeply connect and be vulnerable! In my case, it’s courage to: listen instead of talk, ask instead of tell, clean instead of romance, wait instead of decide, hours of chatting (way past my bed time) instead of getting to the point, massage her shoulders instead of a quick peck, pay for a babysitter instead of saving money taking them with us, complete house projects instead of “going out,” summarize instead of zone out, show emotion instead of withdraw…that’s just a “sampler” of the beginning of a journey to really “being with her”…on her terms.
In closing, let me remind you that this post is first a challenge to myself, and then a challenge of “goodwill to (all) men.” Seem daunting?…It does to me…but I’m committed to start the journey and find strength in Emmanuel – “God with us.” Merry Christmas!
That’s a great quick reminder on how I need to be more. You hit the nail on the head for this Christmas. Often I point the finger and TELL and God could do that to us but he lets us go and DO and we sometime find out the hard way. This was a great feed! Thank you for the thought.
Thanks for the kind comment. Couldn’t have said it better. I think it’s especially hard since we’re often pushed in our jobs “to make stuff happen” and produce “results.” Glad God is patient with us. Appreciate you and your example!
JM
Excellent. As a woman this is also a challenge for me with my relationship with my husband. He’s good about being part of my world but I could do more with being a part of his. It’s an interesting way to see your faith in this way…and I like it. Merry Christmas!
Thanks for the feedback…glad it goes both ways. I also appreciate my wife’s efforts to become part of my world. However, it’s a challenge for me to be completely open and make myself express my true feelings. As always, open communication is the key!
JM